Penname: 108 [Contact] Real name: Theresa Rogers
Member Since: 07/26/2007
Membership status: Member
I stumbled across this site and had never heard of "fan fiction" before. I am a writer who is currently working on honing my craft. I am very interested in things like "show don't tell" and syntax and sentence structure as ways of creating mood and pacing. I'm curious about these technical areas of writing because my background is in non-fiction writing (I was a Philosophy major). I have always written, but am now at a point in the revision process of my own work where I want (need) to ask, on a deeper level, "How do you show, not tell, a story?" This website has some amazing writing and an opportunity to interact with other writers and editors with a subject matter (Harry Potter) that I have loved for years now. I am amazed at the quality and complexity of a lot of the work on this site.
Beta-reader: 0
[Report This]
Reviews by 108
Shards of Glass by 108 Rated: RT - Restricted Themes starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 39]
Summary: Lily's tidy secret explodes and she desperately needs Sirius and Remus to help James understand. But James has to want to understand. In order to do that, he'll have to reveal his own secrets - to his friends, and to himself.

And what is going on with Remus?

Thank you, thank you, marvelous beta Abigail!
Categories: The Broomshed > Erotic Couplings
Characters: James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
Genres: Angst, Drama, Erotica
Time Period: Voldemort's First War
Warnings: Angst, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content
Series: None
Chapters: 15 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 43013 Read Count: 8542
[Report This] Published: 09/04/2007 Updated: 08/10/2009
Reviewer: 108 Signed
Date: 02/10/2008 Title: Chapter 3: 3. Light Into Darkness, Darkness Into Light

I'm looking for grownupron, who left an excellent consideration in the reviews which, in my numbskullness, I accidentally erased while trying to edit my response. Please accept my sincere apologies and post your review again!

Summary: In July, 1980, the Wizarding world is awash in turmoil, and trust is a fleeting commodity. Finding himself caught up in events he can't control, Sirius discovers that all is not fair in love and war. (Remus/Sirius)
Categories: The Broomshed > The Changing Room
Characters: James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
Genres: Angst, Drama, Erotica
Time Period: Voldemort's First War
Warnings: D/S, Fisting, Rimming, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 11511 Read Count: 1056
[Report This] Published: 09/09/2007 Updated: 09/09/2007
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/09/2007 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This is fantastic writing. I love how you build Sirius' disappointment and uncertainty - how he's willing to let it go when feeling passionate, but how it keeps intruding anyway. That is so very, very real. You have a good grasp of the dynamics of relationships.

I also love how you bring the Wizarding world and the War into the background, how it informs what is happening between the characters. This story feels very realistic in terms of how people behave when facing undertain and, at times, terrifying circumstances.

Are you British? I'm wondering how you have such a grasp of British slang. I can put some in, but overall, I'm struggling with it (not being English can be a drag when writing English fanficf). I'm taking notes from you, to be sure.

Do you write besides what you write here? I'm working on the whole "show don't tell" thing and you're pretty good at it. Have you been writing a long time? This is skilled writing, so I'm assuming you haven't just started. 

I really love this story. I'm looking forward to reading more of it.

Author's Response:

Oh, wow!  *splutters and blushes*  Thank you so much!  Such a lovely compliment! 

Actually, I'm not British.  I'm an American from New York. *ducks*  But I have had the fortune to have had a number of friends (and a few ex-boyfriends) from all over Great Britain ovre the years, plus the added benefit of online friends as well, (not to mention watching British television shows!) so I've picked up a bit here and there which helps when writing!  And I ask.  There are some fantastic resources on the web, and on LJ specifically, there's a community called hp_britglish for questions about british culture relating to HP fanfic.  Not being English is a drag, and I get very wistful when I read fics by my British friends. But it comes full circle when they write in American fandoms and have to ask us things. :)

Y es, I have more fic than what I've written here, and I'm slowly posting it here at QP, but I have it archived at my LJ and a few other places.  I've been writing for a long time (I'll be 40 in a little over a week!) but I've only been writing fanfic since 2002 or so.  I don't have all that many stories posted - 20 something and a half dozen drabbles. Sadly, I'm big on ideas, and not so big on execution.  I'm terribly lazy at times, and I also have a number of fics I abandoned intending to come back to later when I got stuck, but never got around to it. But I do have a couple currently in progress which I plan to finish, too.

As for the show, don't tell, that tends to come down to the details.  It's in how you choose which POV to use, and then, I think, put yourself in your character's place - but make sure you're in your character's head, and not have the character in your head, if that makes sense, because you always know more than your character.  Or you should.  :-P  The character can't be omniscient - you have to separate what you know (and what your characters know) from what a reader will know, and remember that there is always a gap there.  Movement is important, too - little physical reactions, using physical clues to show emotion rather than relying on too many adverbs.  People pace, change facial expressions and use body language when they speak, listen, think, act.  It's okay to tell things sometimes, too. You don't have to show every little thing.  If you need an info-dump, be creative about it. 

Read books on writing by other published authors - On Writing by Stephen King, Characters and Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card, etc., and even essays and articles by other fan writers.  But they key is not to follow everything they say to the letter - pick and choose what works for you.  And a good beta reader/editor who will look for things outside spelling and grammar is important.  Also, read your story (especially dialogue!) aloud, and really listen to it, where you're not just the author but the audience, and think about that gap in knowledge. :)

And so there's my abbreviated two cents as to methods I use.  The rest just comes from practice, really.  And learning by example, which comes from reading a lot, whether fanfic or original fiction. And you can even learn a lot from reading badly written stories because that shows you what not to do. :-P  I'm very flattered that you think my stories are well written - that's the greatest compliment any writer could hope for. So, again, thank you.  And thank you for reading and commenting!  I'm thrilled you liked them!  (And I'll just shut up now... *g*)  


The Prodigal by midnitemarauder Rated: RT - Restricted Themes starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 2]
Summary: Sirius returns from beyond the veil and makes an unexpected appearance at The Burrow on Christmas Day. (Alternate version of HBP Chapter 16 - A Very Frosty Christmas) Remus/Sirius
Categories: The Broomshed > The Changing Room
Characters: Arthur Weasley, Bill Weasley, Fleur Delacour, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Molly Weasley, Percy Weasley, Remus Lupin, Ron Weasley, Rufus Scrimgeour, Sirius Black
Genres: Comedy, General, Romance
Time Period: Voldemort's Second War
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Contains Spoiler for HBP, Slash
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 7701 Read Count: 755
[Report This] Published: 09/09/2007 Updated: 09/10/2007
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/13/2007 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Two more great stories - again, I want to tell you that you are a very talented writer.

And thanks for writing so much back! I have already read it several tiimes and will continue to read it. I have read Stephen King's book and found it excellent, as well - I like the "writing" books that have a practical approach to them and his definitely fits the bill. I actually just bought Orson Scott Card's book - how funny is that! - but I haven't read it yet. I'm not so hot on science fiction, but stumbled across Ender's Game several years ago and, I mean, how can you not bow to a master at the craft??? God, he's a good writer. I bought his writing book simply because he had written it. Now I'll take it off my shelf.

I knew you had to be "older" (I'm 37) - there's no way you can have the kind of insight into relationships and emotions that you have without having lived through a few of them. The emotional depth of your stories really carries them - that is a good thing. If it's just "sex, sex, sex," it actually gets pretty boring pretty fast and I start skimming. But give me a little meat with the gravy - give me that bit where Sirius thinks about what James and Lily have and can't quite put his finger on it - baby, I'm hooked!!!

I'd like to keep talking to you about this stuff, if that's ok with you.


Theresa (pen name 108)

Author's Response:

Hi Theresa!  I'm terribly behind on just about everything these days, so sorry for my late reply.  September is one of my busiest months work-wise, and moreso this year because I was off for a few months due to medical issues. Coming back and being bombarded was a bit of a shock to the system. :-P  

I'm definitely more of a plot-centered person than a PWP-person when it comes to my writing. (she says as her one PWP was just recognized for Featured Story this month! *g*)  I mean, sure I enjoy the smut - both for reading and writing purposes - but I tend to prefer...a reason for the smut to be there, not just "I'm/we're horny".  I have to admit that I sometimes find it difficult to write a lot of smut without feeling like I'm constantly repeating myself.  Whether or not I do doesn't even matter - it's that I *feel* like I am.  If that makes sense.  I always want there to be something unique in each fic, especially when it comes to smut, but then there's the whole "pattern of progression" of sex, which is a hard trap to break. Plus, you don't want to make it so complicated or put them in positions that only skilled acrobats could manage,  where it becomes silly or unebelievable. :-P   

I'm always in awe of those authors who can churn out smutty story after story.  Then again, I think I'm harder on myself - less forgiving, and that gets in the way more often than it should.  But my interest in the characters goes beyond their sex lives, and I like having them interact with others. There's a fine line sometimes - especially in one-shots - and I'm always worried about writing a story that screams, "ooh, look, my pr0n is pastede on!"  Even when I'm writing for exchanges where "it's all about the smut" like merry_smutmas and hpspringsmut, or where my prompt asks for "hot sex at the Burrow" like with this particular fic, I'm always conscious of that.  Granted, I don't always succeed, but I try to make it more than the sum of the parts, I guess.  With "Games", my prompt was basically "R/S established relationship, mild D/s, Remus wants to try a new kink/toy; Sirius freaks out." I could have gone the PWP route with that quite easily, but I chose to go a different route because the PWP way was, well, unsatisfying, for me as a writer.  So there's that, too. 

The fic I'm working on now, I came up with what I think is a pretty decent premise for the pairing requested, but I spent weeks agonizing over how to integrate the smut into the plot without falling into the 'pastede on' trap.  We'll see if I succeed. :-P   

I really enjoy Orson Scott Card's stories despite my issues with a number of his political and religious views, and his anti-fanfic stance.  I met him once (and got a bunch of my books signed!) and he was very pleasant and intelligent.  His book has a lot of really good insights into writing as a craft, so I decided it's best that we simply agree to disagree. :-P    And of course it's okay.  As you can see, I'm very talkative - when I find the time, anyway!

Thanks again!   I'm really glad you enjoyed the story!


Remus' New Toy by Wormykins Rated: FG - Family Guidance starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 3]
Summary: Remus keeps getting out of bed to play, so his parents have taken drastic action. Unfortunately, this only makes him feel worse.
Categories: Bad Moon Rising > School Days
Characters: Remus Lupin
Genres: Angst, Ficlet, General
Time Period: None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1024 Read Count: 353
[Report This] Published: 09/10/2007 Updated: 09/10/2007
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/15/2007 Title: Chapter 1: Remus' New Toy

I love this piece of writing. Your use of detail is fantastic. I love the entire train scene - both of them, really - they are so evocative of where young Remus is, emotionally. A great insight into his life, how it might have been, and the heartbreak of the red engine is just wonderful.

I would love to read more of this storyline. I know it says "complete," but we can dream, can't we?

Author's Response:

Thank you.

 I do plan to write more inside this continuity, but not in the sense of a direct follow-up; I'm currently working on a novel-length MWPP fic, starting in first year.


It's not going so well right now, though. Could be a while in the appearing. 

Summary: Thirteen-year-old Remus discovers that his education has been sorely lacking.
Categories: Bad Moon Rising > School Days
Characters: James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
Genres: Comedy, General
Time Period: Voldemort's First War
Warnings: Masturbation, Underage
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5709 Read Count: 1463
[Report This] Published: 10/05/2007 Updated: 10/06/2007
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/07/2007 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

That was hilarious. Just absolutely cringe-worthy in the best way. Poor, poor Remus! Once again, fabulous writing.

Thanks once again for your thoughtful response to my questions. I'm not sure how much to say here, since everybody and their mother can read this, but I'm glad you're back up. Is there another way to write to you that isn't quite so public? :)

Author's Response:

Why oh why did I not get a comment notification?  *smites gmail*  You can always email me or pop over to my livejournal - both should be listed on my profile page!


Thank you!  I had fun writing it, and oddly enough, some of the...inspiration is based on a real life encounter I had in my mid-teens.  At summer camp.  (Taught me to stay out of the 13-year-old boys bunks at night no matter how loud they were after lights out! :-P)  Ah, youth!  Thanks so much for reading (again!) and reviewing! (again!)  It's an older fic of mine, but I'm rather fond of it.   

The Best Man by luvscharlie Rated: MT - Mature Themes starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 2]
Summary: Tonks had always loved Charlie Weasley. She saw him for the first time as Remus Lupin's wife right before Bill's wedding. Have her feelings for him changed?
Categories: Remains of the Day > Eternity
Characters: Charlie Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance
Time Period: Voldemort's Second War
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Angst, Contains Spoiler for HBP, Contains Spoilers for DH, Het, Hurt/Comfort, Strong Language
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 879 Read Count: 577
[Report This] Published: 04/21/2008 Updated: 04/22/2008
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/23/2008 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow! You’ve only been writing for two months? I am seriously impressed. I know how it is to want feedback about writing, so that’s what I’m going to give. J I really like this story. One thing I’ve been working on in my writing is “show, don’t tell.” Don’t know if you’ve run into that one but it is the heart of good writing (along with punctuation, grammar, and logic.) Show me, instead of telling me, what the characters are doing and let me fill in the blanks. For instance: "Damn you, Charlie Weasley," she landed a hard slap across his face as the tears continued to trickle down her cheeks. She had waited half her life to hear him say that he loved her, and only after she was another man's wife had he said the words. "Don't you dare say you love me. Not now. Not after I've waited for you to say those words for so long."After she slaps him, you write two lines telling me what you show me through what she says next. So, if you wanted to show, you could:"Damn you, Charlie Weasley," she landed a hard slap across his face as the tears continued to trickle down her cheeks. "Don't you dare say you love me. Not now. Not after I've waited for you to say those words for so long." This is a short piece, so some “tell” is going to be warranted, but try doing this: “Charlie Weasley had once been her world. Today, she was someone else's wife.”  That’s tell. Instead, you could: “She followed the dip where his spine nestled between the muscles in his back and the tips of her fingers twitched. She pressed them together and twirled her wedding ring around her finger.” You already show us that he was her whole world throughout the piece, like above, where she tells him she’s been waiting to hear him tell her he loves her, and also here: “The warmth of his neck was familiar and when she sucked on the lobe of his ear it elicited the groans from deep within his throat that she knew so well.”And even there, you could: “She ran her tongue up his neck. When he groaned, she smiled. ‘I always could make you moan.’” This is, literally, the only thing that didn’t work:  “The tears came unbidden to roll down her cheeks at the hurt tone of his voice.” It just sounds a bit clunky. I use the word “unbidden” too, and I usually end up erasing it, mostly because it is redundant. I’m sure she didn’t intend to start crying, for instance. And the “hurt tone of his voice” is just tell – we can tell he’s hurt by what he said, so don’t worry about telling us. So:“His outline blurred before her. ‘Charlie, did you think I would wait for you forever?’"  In the next bit you tell us he wipes away her tears, so we know she’s crying. So that’s a tiny bit – hope it’s what you’re looking for! I do like your writing style. It flows and takes me right into the world you are creating. I had to laugh at the ending, as the first chapter of my own story ends almost the exact same way, but with different characters. Cheers! And keep writing! I’ll read some more of your stuff. 

Theresa (penname: 108)

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I do struggle w/ the show not tell.  Any hints are always welcome!!!!

Reviewer: 108 Signed
Date: 04/23/2008 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

That wasn't supposed to be all one paragraph. *sigh*


Green With Envy by luvscharlie Rated: FG - Family Guidance starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 7]
Summary: Tonks is having a particularly bad week as a Trainee Auror. However, a surprise visitor from Romania makes her the envy of her class.
Categories: Hallowed Halls > Vacant Rooms
Characters: Alastor Moody, Charlie Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks
Genres: Comedy, Fluff
Time Period: Voldemort Vanishes
Warnings: Het, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Fluff, Strong Language
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1104 Read Count: 869
[Report This] Published: 04/21/2008 Updated: 04/23/2008
Reviewer: 108 Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/23/2008 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

That was awesome. Love the ending - Charlie is both smug and adorable at the same time.

Author's Response: Luvs my Charlie, I do.  I'm glad you liked it.  I have one more Charlie/Tonks here. I hope you'll like it as well, as I like it better than this one.  Thanks for letting me know what you think, being a rather new writer (all of 2 months now), I still hang on every comment.