Reviewer: Amythis Signed
Chapter 1: Harry Potter and the Unwinnable Fight
First off, I get the L'Engle comparison, though it also made me think of Slaughterhouse Five (the outer-space parts). Only, H & H are even more isolated. I was disturbed by how and how much Hermione punishes herself, and I almost stopped reading, but I decided to trust you and keep going. I'm glad I did. It's still disturbing but the angst is very powerful and well-handled.
I found Harry a bit too passive and gentle, more Book 6 than Book 7 if that makes sense. And would he really be that ignorant about women? I know you've written him that way elsewhere, and it's certainly more plausible than when people write him as a savvy super-stud, but it seems like he would know more than that. I do like how you handled his feelings for Hermione, and his desire was sexier than in some of your other stories, because it overpowered him, no matter how he fought it.
Ron was good but more forgiving/understanding of everyone, including Viktor than I'd expect. I think if he caught H & H cuddling, post sex, everyone's reactions would be a bit more plausible. It's like they immediately forgot they were fucking until he reminded them. Maybe that's to do with the weird planet/spa they're on but everyone accepted it more than I'd expect.
I like your take on Viktor, though I hadn't ever thought of his father as rich or Muggle-hating. But bravo to Viktor for being so likable and down to earth despite that.
I like that you didn't divide this up into chapters. I think given the way that the world/story went in circles, it couldn't be divided. It had to just go on and on till the end. Even with the shifts in POV, the situation was inescapable.
The only problem is, it's harder to isolate specific parts for commenting on, compared to if it had divisions. So I'll just conclude by saying that, despite my criticisms, you did good with a hard story. Author's Response:
I really need to read the late Ms. L'Engle. Hermione's self-abuse was incredibly disturbing to me, and incredibly hard to write.
Do please remember that this story was written more than a year ago. The Harry I had to work with then was, indeed, book six, not seven.
I agree with your criticism of Ron's forgiving Harry and Hermione. Not so much Krum, who he went to "hat in hand" looking for help, and was treated with great magninimity and then real friendship.
The story did appear on my LJ in 10 parts, presented as I wrote them, but I always saw it as a single, unchaptered fic. It can be read in ten chapters at The Restrivted Section.
Thanks so much for the very kind and cogent words. I heartily appreciate them.