Interview - Captain - Simons Flower

Interview with Simons Flower
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The Captain's Interviews - Simons Flower

This month we are featuring interviews with each of our Captains. These are in good fun and we hope you not only learn something about us but also that you laugh. We never take ourselves too seriously and as you'll see from this interview...We know how to have a bit of fun at our own expense!


  1. How did you get your start in fandom and what drew you into Harry Potter?
    At the end of 2002, I heard an interview on NPR with Arabella and Zsenya, who run The Sugar Quill. A month or so later, I went hunting for the website and was sucked into reading. By March 2003, I’d written my first Harry Potter fanfic, Come On, Virginia. The rest is history.

  2. They call you the “Empress of Evil, Angst, and Trio Smut.” How did you get that nickname?
    The “Trio Smut” part came about first, though when I don’t recall. The “Evil” and “Angst” labels were added after a particularly grueling storyline in The Dungeon, I think Hermione’s pregnancy with Bridget.

  3. What character is the easiest for you to write? Which character is nearly impossible?
    I would say Harry is easiest for me to write, but I’m not sure why. Dumbledore is difficult, as is Ron sometimes.

  4. How did you meet your Co-Captains?
    I met Minnie first, though how I can’t recall. Then was Annie through The Dungeon. Kerry was invited to be a Co-Captain, after which I got to know her well enough to drink with her, even though I’d seen her name around for a long time before that. Melanie I’ve only “seen” online, getting to know her since she was invited, though IM chats with her are interesting to say the least.

  5. When you’re writing how much of your real life “kinks” do you put into your characters?
    Er, leather. I like leather. I have a thing about the back of my neck that I usually will include. It’s very easy to include your own kinks because you can manipulate the characters and their reactions; if you know how you react, it’s easier to project that onto a character. However, there are things I’ve written that I would never do, such as rimming.

  6. Who is your favorite character and why?
    Harry. And you ask why? Because he’s suffered so much and is still basically a good kid/guy. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders and still stands tall rather than being crushed.

  7. How many fan girls cry out every time you kill Ron and which ones have you injured the most?
    I stick my tongue out at you for this question. For an answer, I give 13½ fan girls and I’ve injured Annie most, I think.

  8. What inspires you to write? What makes your muse stand up and say, ‘let’s torture Ron today’?
    I don’t always torture Ron! I torture Harry more! I mean, in The Space Between, he’s got Voldemort inside him and he cuts Lucius Malfoy’s heart out with a spell.

    As for what inspires me to write, it can be a variety of things. Sometimes I’ll see a billboard on the side of the road that gets my imagination going. I’ve also used dreams as starting points. Other times, I’ve gotten an image in my head, then when I ask myself questions about that image, I get the start of a story.

  9. You must choose between a 22-year-old Dan Radcliffe or Simon LeBon. They are both covered in chocolate. Who do you choose? You only get one.
    Dan or Simon at 22? Whomever asked this is an evil bitch. Let’s see, Simon at 22 was in 1981; Dan’s got another six years before he’s 22. Blue eyes and voice vs. Dan.

    I think my brain has exploded.

    And after I pick up the pieces, I close my eyes and point to...

  10. If you could write anyone’s memoirs, whom would you like to write simply for the honor of meeting them?
    I don’t want to write non-fiction.

  11. Do you undress your Ron/Hermione/Harry dolls and put them in naughty positions?
    I don’t have dolls of the Trio. My daughter has a Harry doll, and she’ll sometimes take his robes off, but I have nothing to do with it.

  12. How many licks would it take to get to the center of a Dan Radcliffe Tootsie Pop?
    69, dude!

  13. Why did you join the staff at the Quidditch Pitch?
    Because Annie asked nicely.

  14. We’ve heard that leather is your fetish. Would you rather have Harry dressed in his Quidditch gear or in leather?
    The sound you hear is my head against the desk. Okay, given the scenario that Harry is 18... Quidditch gear (with the robes and gloves and shin guards and tight pants) or leather (pants and tight t-shirt and jacket and boots)...

    My brain exploded again.

    I think leather.

  15. You’re taking your fellow captains out to dinner (since we know you don’t cook). Where do you take them? What do you eat? And what do you slip in their drinks to make them open to suggestion?
    I can cook, I just choose not to.

    I would take them to The Melting Pot. I would have red meat, then chocolate for dessert. As for slipping something into their drinks, I don’t think I would need to since the drinks would probably be enough.

  16. If you could only have one, would you choose Starbucks or Creme Eggs?
    I will grit my teeth, shudder, then answer Starbucks. Creme Eggs are but a momentary thrill while Starbucks lasts all day.

  17. Word association: leather, chaps, broomstick, Cadbury eggs, and Petrificus Totalis?
    Leather: sexy

    Chaps: Brokeback Mountain

    Broomstick: Save a Broomstick, Ride Harry

    Cadbury Eggs: Creme Egg porn

    Petrificus Totalis: Neville in Philosopher’s Stone

  18. Which Harry Potter book is your favorite and why?
    I will say that my least favorite is Prisoner of Azkaban. I don’t think it did much to forward Harry’s story other than introduce Sirius.

    My favorite varies between Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince. I like the scope and depth of GoF, the character development in OotP and HBP because it was fun.

  19. What would be the thing you’d miss most?
    My daughter.

  20. You’re in a bar on separate occasions, you go to pick someone up. Give us your best pick-up lines for: Harry, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Draco, Luna, Madam Pomfrey, and Umbridge.
    I’m prefacing this with the fact I never did the “go to bar and pick someone up” routine.

    Harry: Can I kiss your scar and make it better? Do you have any other scars I can “treat”?

    Dumbledore: er, no, I’m thinking no

    Voldemort: You want to conquer me?

    Draco: Tell me, do your cuffs match your collar? Mine do.

    Luna: pick up line, I’m not interested

    Madam Pomfrey: er...why am I being tortured?

    Umbridge: I hear you’re into discipline.

  21. Give us five ways you’d use the Imperius Curse.
    Um... *toes ground*

    (1) Make Harry and Ron kiss in front of me; (2) make Harry and Ron do other things in front of me; (3) make Harry and Ron do other things with me; (4) make them do things with Hermione in front of me; (5) make them do other things with Hermione and with me.

  22. Which Harry Potter character, other than Harry, would you most like to sing you silly love songs? What song would they sing?
    I don’t want silly love songs sung to me. I’m too much of a realist to be that romantic.

  23. Would you consider yourself a domme, sub or switch and which would you be for Harry?
    Switch since I can be both depending upon my mood. For Harry I’d be whatever he needed.

  24. You and your Co-Captains are on Survivor with the Harry Potter characters. Who would be the first kicked off and what did they do to get kicked off?
    Snape would be the first to be kicked off because he’d be an annoying git, despite Minnie’s assurances to the contrary. Either that or he’d get caught in a compromising position with Minnie.

  25. Describe each of your Co-Captains in ten words.
    Annie: hard-working, dedicated

    Minnie: silly, pr0n queen

    Kerry: fun

    Melanie: code goddess

  26. If you could choose Harry’s fate what would it be. What do you think will happen to Harry?
    I would like to believe what Kerry said, that it’s a children’s book so JKR won’t kill Harry, but I just can’t be sure. I would like him to live to a ripe old age, marry anyone but Ginny and have lots of children he can spoil. Do I believe that will happen? No.

  27. What are your hopes for The Quidditch Pitch?
    That we become a large and respected archive, known for quality, and that we have the respect of our authors and members.

  28. What is the greatest obstacle you’ve had to overcome?
    Probably my diseases. I often joke that I belong to the “disease of the month club” because it seems like every time I visit a doctor, I have a new disease. Currently I have lupus, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, iritis, arthritis, anxiety and sleep apnea. And those are just the main ones. There are days when the sheer weight of my medical condition weighs me down – no pun intended – but I can usually overcome it after a brief bout of blues.

  29. Write your own obituary.
    Gah! You’re going to make my brain explode again.

    I won’t write it, but I will say that I hope, despite everything, I live to decently old age and long enough to see grandchildren.

  30. Describe these characters in three words: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Narcissa Malfoy, and Molly Weasley.
    Harry: fierce, strong, loyal.

    Ron: loyal, generous.

    Hermione: controlling, interfering, loyal.

    Dumbledore: manipulative sometime-bastard.

    Snape: foul, greasy git.

    Narcissa: icy queen bitch.

    Molly: motherly, overprotective.

  31. If you could ask JKR one thing what would it be?
    How? How did you created this universe and what keeps you going?

  32. Fred and George have given you a Daydream Charm. Which four characters would star in your daydream and where would it take place?
    Harry, Draco, Ron...and...hell, while I’m at it, two Harrys. Where? Some cabin where we could be snowed in and have a fire going. There would be lots of fluffy pillows and few clothes.

  33. What advice would you give to a first-time writer?
    Just write. Don’t use too many adjectives. Don’t try to be fancy. If you like it, chances are someone else will. Read it out loud to yourself before anyone else sees it. Get a good beta.

  34. Are there any writers in fandom that inspire you to write?
    Not exactly. It’s usually story-based. Sometimes I’ll read a fic and be inspired to write one, but more often than not it’s my own twisted imagination that inspires me.

  35. Explain The Shiny to us!
    Er, I guess I should start with the fact I can be easily distracted. I used to read the encyclopedia as a child because I’d look something up, then read the cross-references. Before I knew it, it would be a few hours later.

    The same thing happens now with Wikipedia. That site is dangerous. I looked up “epidemic” and “pandemic” the other day at work and ended up reading about the Black Death, the Little Ice Age and something else.

    So, “the shiny” would be anything that easily distracts me. There are times I feel like a Niffler

  36. You and your fellow Captains are going on vacation where would you take them. What three items would you bring? And which two Captains are most likely to get drunk and sing on the bar?
    I would take everyone to London. I would bring my laptop...and I don’t know what other two things I’d bring. Annie and Melanie would get drunk and sing on the bar (Jimmy Buffett songs, I’m sure)

  37. What is the sexiest Harry moment in the books? How about in the movies?
    Book: his snarky, irreverent attitude in Half-Blood Prince.

    Movie: his snarky, irreverent attitude at the beginning of Prisoner of Azkaban.

    Notice a trend?

  38. What would your Boggart be?
    Much like Molly’s, it would be to see my daughter dead

  39. Give us three characters you’d like to give Veritaserum to.
    Harry, Snape and Draco. Harry just for the hell of it; Snape to find out what is driving him (provided the Veritaserum works on him and he doesn’t have a way around it); and Draco to ask him if he really wants to be a Death Eater or if that’s Daddy’s plan for him

  40. Your Co-Captains are all Harry Potter characters. Which characters are they and why?
    Annie: Ron, definitely. They are sekrit twins.

    Minnie: Snape. Slytherin and sneaky.

    Melanie: Fred and/or George. Mischievous.

    Kerry: I don’t know. I’m not sure that one character would encompass her