Interview - Editor's Choice - Shocfix

Interview with Shocfix
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Editor's Choice for May - Shocfix
by Annie

We wanted to do something a bit different for our second Editor's Choice (for Soap) interview with Shocolate. We wanted to give some of her fan girls/boys a chance to ask some questions of her. This was done via a super secret poll because Shocolate is very sneaky.

We sat down with Shocolate in the Quidditch Locker rooms and distracted her with a multitude of questions from her fans…including the Captains!

  1. Secret Fan Number 1: We've heard rumors of a Dr. Who/Harry/Ron crossover threesome. Is it true you're going to write one?
    Oh, if I only had a Ten!voice - I think it would be hot as hot - but I don't!

  2. Secret Fan Number 2: Now that you've admitted that Rupert is adorable how do you explain to your daughter?
    He is adorable - I may have the smallest crush on him - but he is still hers!

  3. Secret Fan Number 3: Besides Harry Potter what makes you Squee?
    Cricket, chocolate, Donny Osmond, David Tennant…

  4. Secret Fan Number 4: What is your favorite flavor of Jam?
    *snort* blackcurrant!

  5. Secret Fan Number 5: What is your favorite swear word?

  6. Secret Fan Number 6: Boxers or briefs?

  7. Secret Fan Number 7: Which is better leatherpants!Ron or wet!Ron?
    Wet!Ron - I don't like leather trousers - they make me think of stupid!Ross in Friends

  8. Secret Fan Number 8: What is your master plan for taking over the world?
    Make everyone a Harry/Ron shipper

  9. Secret Fan Number 9: What is the craziest question you've thought of to ask Rupert or Dan in person but haven't had the chance to?
    Ah - for Rupert - seeing as you are going to marry my daughter, can you pay her school fees?

  10. Secret Fan Number 10: After HBP you were feeling very canon het. What pulled you back to Harry/Ron?
    Well, I never left the Harry/Ron - it is just really hard to get past the fact that Hermione doesn't just have a crush on Ron, she is totally in love with him, and Harry took such good care of her - he wouldn't steal Ron away!

  11. Secret Fan Number 11: Describe the perfect Ron to us.
    Well, he just IS perfect. Canon!Ron is perfect - and all fanon!Rons are perfect. Well, not Harmoanian!Ron, obviously. All Harry/Ron!Rons are perfect - wet!Ron, dry!Ron, clueless!Ron, manwhore!Ron…

  12. Secret Fan Number 12: What do you do for fun outside of fandom?
    Nothing thrilling - read, watch films, watch cricket - fandom is the most fun - especially as I am usually trapped in the house with children - most hobbies make you leave the house every now and then!

  13. Secret Fan Number 13: You're casting the Rocky Horror Picture Show with actors from the Harry Potter movies. Who do you cast and who will they play?
    Actors??? Not characters??? Blimey! It needs three actresses, and there aren't three actresses in HP - I am not having Emma in it. Can I do characters???

    Brad - Ron
    Janet - Harry
    Frank - Hermione
    Rocky - Draco (can't believe I said that)
    Riff-Raff - Filch
    Magenta - Hooch
    Columbia - Ginny
    Doctor Scott - Snape

    Hmmm - clueless!Ron, virginal!Harry, predatory!Hermione, sex-toy!Draco, Hermione seducing both boys…. Harry seducing Draco… Yeah, that'll do. Now, someone draw it.

  14. The Captain that is hiding behind the curtain: Give us five recreational uses for Veritaserum.
    In Tony Blair's glass of water at Prime Minister's Questions, for when football team managers are interviewed after a match, for asking Dan what he thinks of his portrait, for asking Rupert what he thinks of Emma, for asking Harmoanians who Hermione is in love with…

  15. The Captain wearing a brown bag: Describe these characters in three words: Ron, Harry, Ginny, Hermione, Grawp, and Draco.
    Ron - loyal, brave, so-fucking-cute-I-could-die
    Harry - grown-up, brave, determined
    Ginny - funny, brave, Ron-with-breasts
    Hermione - determined, intelligent, Ron!worshipper
    Grawp - why, why, why???
    Draco - selfish, cowardly, pathetic

  16. From Annie, Madam Minnie, Dream Wia Dream, and Kerryblaze: Could you explain to us why Simons Flower keeps killing Ron?
    No. And it hurts - do you read Solstice Muse? She torments and tortures her Ron, too - but at least he doesn't die!

  17. From the Captain in therapy: Word Association-We'll give you words you give us what pops into your head.
    Freckles - Ron
    Arse - Harry
    Jam - necessary-to-the-plot!rimming
    Arizona - hate it!
    Harry - Ron
    Daniel Radcliffe - vocabulary

  18. From the horny Captain: Give us your best pick up lines for the following characters: Ron, Harry, Dumbledore, Terry Boot, and Arthur Weasley.
    Ron - of course the Cannons are going to win the league!
    Harry - sorry, never heard of you.
    Dumbledore - I have some sherbet lemons
    Terry Boot - I think Ron will be there…
    Arthur Weasley - could you help me put this plug in the socket?

  19. From all the Captains: The Captains of the Quidditch Pitch are coming to London for a visit. Providing you don't hide from them or relocate, where would you take them that's touristy? Where would you take them to dinner? Where would you recommend they stay?
    Touristy - Platform 9 3/4
    Dinner - my/Jason Issacs' local Chinese take-away
    Stay - no idea!

  20. From the Insecure Captain: Describe each of the Captains in five words. Yes, because we need constant love and validation. We are very much like Puppies.
    Kerryblaze - Yonic, Cataglottism, Acersecomic, Basorexia, Wharfinger
    Simons_Flower - Apodyopsis, Sphallolalia, Grapholagnia, Gambrinous, Tarantism
    Madam_Minnie - Hypnerotomachia, Farctate, Peccable, Krukolibidinous, Vesthibitionism
    Dream_Wia_Dream - Callipygian, Erinaceous, Agerasia, Lethonomia, Lavacultophilia
    Annie - Colpocoquette, Kalon, Rupestrian, Nelipot, Matronolagnia

    But I don't like puppies.

Shocolate was completely distracted just moments later when a very wet Ron Weasley emerged from the showers. He was clad in only in a towel and when he waggled his eyebrows and offered to let Shocolate count his freckles. Let's just say we haven't seen her since. On a side note, she did promise to check in with a freckle count.