Interview - Captain - Madam Minnie

Interview with Madam Minnie
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The Captain's Interviews - Madam Minnie

This month we are featuring interviews with each of our Captains. These are in good fun and we hope you not only learn something about us but also that you laugh. We never take ourselves too seriously and as you'll see from this interview...We know how to have a bit of fun at our own expense!


  1. Madam Minnie how did you come by your penname and does it stand for?
    My full pen name is Madam Minerva Weapotternger and if you tell anyone, I’ll have to cut you with a dull spoon. It came about while reading Naked Quidditch Match. I wanted to write a fanfic after reading that and to be honest with you, I can’t quite remember why I chose Madam Minerva, but after joining a few fanfic sites, the name got cut to Madam Minnie and eventually to Minnie.

  2. When did you become involved with Fandom and what drew you in?
    After reading Goblet of Fire, I wanted more… needed more so I did a search online for Harry Potter and after going through all the merchandise sites, I came across Anya’s Naked Quidditch Match. My husband, sister and I all stayed up reading this amazingly hilarious story. We were printing the story and I would read one page at a time. I couldn’t read it fast enough and by the end, I needed more. Three days later, I was still reading fanfic and found Redblaze’s War and Passion, and the rest, as they say, is history.

  3. What inspires you to write? Are there any authors in fandom that inspire your muse?
    Wow! Yeah, there are many that inspire me. My favorite authors are usually the ones that make me think about why the character behaves in a particular way. Some of my favorites include Laurell K. Hamilton, Anne Rice, Cecilia Tan and Emma Holly. In fandom, my favorites include Satindolls, Simons Flower, Redblaze, Chaos Rose, Snapeskarkling, DeeRyma, Minx.

    Things that will usually get me writing are so varied that they’re really hard to pinpoint to just one thing. Sometimes, it’s a song, or a comment, or an IM conversation. I once wrote about Augustus Rookwood transfiguring body parts into office plants because the thought alone amused me. You just never know with me.

  4. How did you meet your Co-Captains?
    A: In Knockturn Alley, they were trying to get me to change my Slytherin ways. They had pamphlets and everything! I formally met them both while writing for an RPG, The Dungeon. After playing the trio for two years, friendships are forged and Trisha and I are even branded!

    I met Kerry and Melanie through Satindolls and simons_flower and I’m a better Madam for it!

  5. What is your writing fetish? Any kinks? Any Squicks?
    Slash is my all-time fetish. All pairings as long as it has two men slamming into each other. Did I say too much again? My kinks are bondage, especially leather and ‘toys’. My only squick in a slash pairing is scat or coprophagia.

  6. How much rope would it take to tie Snape down?
    About 45m (150’) of 8mm rope since he’s rather tall and I’d like to bind him from head to toe!

  7. Who is your favorite character and why?
    Funny you should ask that. I have two actually and most people only peg me for the Snape-lover that I am. So, I will explain my fascination with these two whom I love dearly and have read about them together in fandom, but don’t particularly enjoy together.

    Snape because he’s complex. He’s a double-spy, not to be confused with adouble-agent, and all the while, he’s very much a straight-edge character. You know where you stand with him and you know that he’s out for himself only. He doesn’t sugar-coat anything and his snark is delicious. He plays both sides and all the while knows that the only way to survive is to use his amazing intellect. He’s complex and a true genius. I was so excited to see JKR develop him in HBP.

    The other favorite of mine is Remus J. Lupin. He’s both a wild man and a tame beast. I love the idea of him… everything about him. I was completely thrown by his relationship with she-who-must-not-be-named. In my mind he will forever be gay, forever be in love with Sirius eating chocolate and taking dirty to his best friend as he shags him into the mattress and I’ll live a happy delusional existence forever forward.

  8. Why did you join the staff at The Quidditch Pitch?
    Because it rocks! I mean, honestly! In truth, the idea of having an archive where all pairings and all ratings are welcome truly appealed to me. Besides, I’d be working with two amazing women, how could I not say yes to that? We later acquired more amazing women to work on the Pitch and I’m completely humbled by the company I now keep.

  9. Would Snape, Lupin and Sirius have a threesome?
    Yes, but it would require Sev (yes, we’re on a first-name basis) being tied down and Sirius not touching him at all. Remus would be in the middle and David Bowie would be blasting through the wireless.

  10. You have two theories that have been published by your co-captains: The First is everyone is Gay. The second is you can tell if someone is gay by looking at their shoes. Explain in 500 words!
    I shall try to condense this to less than 500 words… I believe everyone has a level of gayety about them and no, not the happy joy-joy gay, the homosexual gay. It’s what attracts us to that part of ourselves that we see in someone else of the opposite sex and what, of course, attracts those of the same sex to each other. It’s innate, it’s not taught or pushed upon you. Because I believe we’re all born with our sexual attraction, I believe that we all are gay, to some extent. The way to tell is to look at their shoes, honey! If they’re wearing shoes that you know cost more than the Coach bag you’ve been eyeing, they’re likely gay. If they compliment you on your choice of Coach bag or notice the pair of Manolo Blahniks you’re wearing, they’re likely gay. If their eyebrows are in better shape than yours as they compliment your choice of Coach bag while wearing a pair of very expensive Prada shoes… they’re DEFINITELY gay!

  11. What characters are easiest for you to write? Which Character is the hardest?
    Sirius, Harry, Lucius and Snape come rather easily to me. I can ‘hear’ them when I write. Ron is damn near impossible for me without help and I can’t write Luna to save my soul.

  12. If you were on a train going 100 miles an hour which character would you shag and what time would you "arrive"?
    Snape, of course and as I don’t know where we’re going or where we have left from, I have no clue when we’d arrive, but I’d say after several long bondage sessions.

  13. Describe each of your co-captains in ten words.
    Annie: The Ron to my Harry and greatest friend in the world. (shit, that’s 11)
    Trisha: Trio Goddess and Mistress of my smutty thoughts.
    Kerry: Kindred spirit in all hot-boy perving.
    Melanie: My Leather Twin!

  14. Do you have any advice for writers submitting their first stories?
    Write. Write without thinking and without editing. Get all your thoughts out then submit them to betas to help polish your thoughts. You should have several people take a look at your work and don’t be offended if it comes back bleeding like a stuck pig. Those edits will polish your work into a beautiful piece you’ll be proud to say was your first in the fandom.

  15. What are your hopes for the Quidditch Pitch?
    Wow! Many! I’d love to see it become the largest and most prolific HP archive in fandom. To have it’s name be up there with The Leaky Cauldron and Mugglenet in its popularity and up on JKR’s fan sites award page. That would be cool!

  16. Do you have a role model?
    My husband. He’s an amazing father, husband and friend. In fandom, I suppose it would be Redblaze. Her courage and determination and drive to write what she feels in her heart and not what others expect from her is amazing. Not to mention that she juggles both her family, business and fandom with extreme class.

  17. If you could Ask JKR one thing what would it be?
    Is Snape evil?

  18. Give us your Epitaph.
    Here lies [insert real name here] aka Madam Minnie. She lived her life to the fullest and believed in Snape to the end, poor thing. Please include a Slytherin crest on my headstone please!

  19. If you were stranded on a desert Island what three things would be essential for your survival?
    I’d die after a day without the internet, but… I suppose I’d take a picture of my hubby and children to remind me what to live for, a mammoth book of porn (don’t look at me like that, it’s necessary) and a machete to cut down coconuts from the coconut trees. I like coconuts!

  20. What would you choose for Harry's fate? What do you think Harry's fate will be?
    I would love for Harry to have the fairy tale ending and live happily ever after in sheer bliss with Ginny for all eternity. What I believe Harry’s fate to be is that he’ll likely die as he destroys Voldemort. But, I would love for JKR to prove me wrong.

  21. How many runes would cover Snape's body if you were drawing them with chocolate?
    *counts on fingers* I’d have to say… 3,677 small ones… yeah… that’ll do it… well you know many would be on his… um… long nose.

  22. You must choose-Alan Rickman or Snape. Which do you pick and why?
    Alan because he’s real and experienced ;) and well… Sev’s not real… and I’d rather watch him with Lucius anyway.

  23. Your Co-Captains are coming for dinner. What would you cook for them, what would you serve them to drink, and what would be the first topic of conversation?
    Arroz con pollo (chicken and yellow rice) because it’s the only thing I know to cook well! LOL The drink would be Veritaserum-laced margaritas because the topic of conversation is going to be, what would you do if Dan and Rupert were sitting naked on your lap this minute?

  24. Give us five recreational uses for Veritaserum.
    Apart from making my co-captains spill the beans about their fascination with Dan and Rupert? LOL

    1. Truth or Dare while at a party with Harry and Ron could be rather enlightening
    2. Slipping some to your significant other while they’re watching porn and asking questions like… are her tits better than mine?
    3. Giving your children some then asking them who really stuck the grilled cheese sandwich in the VCR?
    4. Taking it to a club and slipping it to some hot guy you’d like to see with another hot guy then asking him if he’d ever thought what it would be like to be with another guy.
    5. Dropping it in Draco’s cauldron during Potions class and ask him what he’d like to do to Harry and Ron if he could get them both in a broomcupboard. You know he secretly wants to watch them shag, we all do!

  25. You have to choose one Bustelo Coffee or the Internet. Which do you choose?
    Duh! The internet… so I can order Bustelo delivery

  26. Does Hogwarts have a parking garage? How many levels is it?
    Yes, it’s currently being remodeled for the higher-speed brooms and it has 57 levels, just shy of the Astronomy Tower and higher than the owlery, to give the owls, broom-envy.

  27. If you could be assured of one, which would you choose, knowing the other wouldn't happen: Remus/Sirius or Snape/Harry?
    Remus/Sirius… I’m a puppy-shipper above all Snarry goodness!

  28. Pick two characters to put under the Imperius curse. Which two would you pick and what would you make them do?
    Harry and Ron and I’d make them snog until it led to their shagging…of their own volition of course.

  29. Word Association: What comes to mind when we say these words? Broomstick, Transfiguration, Bludger, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Hippogriff, dog collar, Firewhiskey, Room of Requirement.
    An amazingly hot fic! Think about it… Ron flies to Hogwarts where Hermione is waiting for him in the Room of Requirement. A stray bludger flies past the window and Harry, riding a hippogriff (his broom’s in the shop) chases it and smashes through the window. He finds Ron wearing a dog collar. There are bottles of Firewhiskey all around and transfiguring the Bludger into a giant pillow, he makes himself a Hermione sandwich!

  30. What is the most fascinating place at Hogwarts?
    Dumbledore’s office. Think of all the things Harry smashed! Hee!

  31. If Lucius were trapped in a cell with a Dementor what would be his happy thought and what would his Patronus be?
    Seeing Harry drawn and quartered. His Patronus would likely be something slimy. A toad maybe… or probably something evil like a venomous tentacula.

  32. Pick up lines: Give us the lines you would use to pick up Ron, Snape, Harry, Viktor, Karakoff, and Hagrid separately in a bar.
    Ron: My friend over there wants to know if you’re red all over.

    Snape: Is it true about guys with long noses and fingers?

    Harry: You have very pretty eyes, anyone ever tell you that? (giggles)

    Viktor: Let’s see how long it takes you to learn my name in one night.

    Karkaroff (Dungeon): Let’s ditch this place and pick up a few cold, stiff ones and take them back to your place.

    Hagrid: Ever heard of slack-jaw?

  33. What is the most erotic of all the fruits?
    A kumquat… hello… say it… it’s erotic!

  34. What would your Boggart be?
    Seeing my children die.

  35. If you were on the reality show Big Brother which Harry Potter character would be kicked out first? Which one would win?
    I’d say Gilderoy would get kicked out first, followed closely by Trelawney. I’d think Remus would win.

  36. You're stuck in a sealed room with Sirius, Remus (with no wands) how do you escape?
    Escape? Hell, I’d sit down with a bottle of Firewhiskey and tell them to go at it. ‘Pretend I’m not here boys!’ My photographic memory would suddenly improve ten-thousand-fold.

  37. In Half Blood Prince Goyle and Crabbe were polyjuicing themselves as girls. Did Draco use them for practicing his technique?
    Snogging, you mean or shagging? I’d like to think he did, yes. Poor Pansy never got the full Draco treatment.

  38. Describe these characters in three words. Ron, Harry, Hermione, Snape, Dumbledore, Molly, Arthur, Sirius, and Remus.
    Ron: Loyal, Brave, Stubborn

    Harry: Courageous, Clueless, Hero

    Hermione: Brilliant, Annoying, Determined

    Snape: Snarky, Savant, Slippery

    Dumbledore: Trusting, Caring, Eccentric

    Molly: Loving, Encouraging, Protective

    Arthur: Father-figure, Loving, Clever

    Sirius: Hot-head, self-assured, Hot

    Remus: Sexy, Feral, Humble

  39. Which book in the series is your favorite and why?
    Prisoner of Azkaban. It gave such a great glimpse into the Marauders and it’s where I first believed Remus and Sirius to be ‘together’ together.

  40. Explain to us in 100 words why Simons Flower keeps killing Ron!
    Because she’s the Empress of Trio Smut and the Purveyor of all things Weasley evil.

  41. Your co-captains are all Harry Potter characters. Which one character would they be and why did you choose that character?
    Kerry: The Weasley twins, I’ve just gotten to know her and from the little I know, she’s rather fun and would be a hell of a lot of fun at a party!

    Melanie: Sirius in his leather jacket, yes, there’s a difference. I picture Melanie donning the jacket, straddling a Triumph or Harley and riding off with Remus behind her.

    Trisha: Hermione, she’s the reason both Annie and I go mad with lust and she likes to torture Ron.

    Annie: Ron, no question. Aside from her lack of red hair, she embodies Ron’s strength, courage, determination and stubbornness. Without her, there would be no Quidditch Pitch. Just like without Ron, there would be no Harry.

Madam Minnie's Co-Captains would like to thank her for being such a good sport in all of this and answering our questions. You can leave feedback at the Captains Pitch on Livejournal to comment on Minnie's answers. The Captains Pitch.