Date: 10/02/2010 07:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
This is a really engaging story--I keep reading it despite my relative loathing of both Ron and Pansy, which should tell you just how interesting it is. However, you need some beta assistance. For example, in this paragraph, I've corrected several errors:
Harry and someone from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement
where were suppose supposed to meet her in her lab to discuss her findings in the continued investigation of the re-emergence of the Walpurgis Knights that had began with that blasted Christmas raid which had changed her life. Though the investigation slowly had been picking up steam over the past few months and her role was unfortunately becoming more and more vital, she was still hoping that she would be able to stay discretely discreetly within the background as the investigation continued.
There are a number of others (e.g. "shown" instead of "shone" and "Stopped in his tracts" instead of "stopped in his tracks," using the wrong "to," etc.). It is distracting to read a good story undermined by poor grammar, spelling, and punctuation. More proofreading would be a help.
Author's Response: I actually do work with a beta. Unfortunately, neither her nor I are perfect and sometimes don't catch everything. I am glad to hear that you are enjoying this story though.
Date: 10/01/2010 09:16 PM Title: Chapter 17
What a fantastic chapter! Ooh, what will I do for fun when this little mystery comes to a close?
I have more Ron/Pansy stuff over at my LJ page 0:) http://seraphimerising.livejournal.com
p.s. this story is about half way done 0:)
Date: 10/01/2010 09:07 PM Title: Chapter 16
I have to say I'm disappointed. I had looked forward to Hermione's appearance but she spends all her time denying the obvious. Of course, Pansy is the potions master. Of course it is her lab. Her body language screams "I am in command here."
Hermione must be in a bad way. Her appearance and lack of preperation for the meeting prove that. I hope she gets better. Pansy deserves a more capable opponent.
Pansy is little better. She all but said My boyfriend is Ron. That is a backhanded and sneaky way to force Ron to tell her before she gets the hint.
Author's Response: Hermione, unfortunately, is so focused on certain aspects of her life that she can't see what is in front of her face. All the work is making her less productive though she doesn't see it. To be honest, Pansy would love to rub it in Hermione's face but she is trying very hard to be more of an adult. She just doesn't always succeed.
Date: 10/01/2010 08:38 PM Title: Chapter 16
Criminy, this was a gut-wrenching chapter! Hermione is so terrible. I wish she didn't have to be written quite so harshly; but, I'm sure you have your reasons. Maybe that's the only way we R/H fans can truly let her go. I don't think so, though. I could have handled the two simply losing interest. Poor Harry. He's honestly the one I feel the most for in this chapter.
Author's Response: This is the first piece of fanfiction I ever put up. A year after starting to publish my little fics, I've toned down my hatred towards Hermione but to make this work, I still need her to be a certain way. Unfortunately, most of my motivation comes out of all the Ron bashing I see in Hermione-centric fics. Harry is caught between a rock and a hard place but it gets fixed sooner than later.
Date: 10/01/2010 08:13 PM Title: Chapter 15
My brain just works overtime when I'm reading your chapters. I'm constantly scanning for hidden symbolism, googling and wondering about the possibility of double meanings. Thanks for the mental workout!
Author's Response: No problem and quess what there's a little more coming and then everything starts to wrap itself up ;)
Date: 06/28/2010 09:45 PM Title: Chapter 15
Good for Ron! I knew that boy would be loyal! I liked the whole interaction between Philip, Pansy and Arthur. We learned a lot there, I think. That photo.... interesting. Very interesting. That's going to have me skimming through a few back chapters to see if I can confirm a hunch. You're really making me work for this story, aren't you?
Author's Response: I'm making everyone work it seems except for a friend of mine who I can't get anything by 0:) The photo is key and something they remark about the photo will come back up in a few chapters; and the bigger pieces of the puzzle will fall into place :)
Date: 06/28/2010 09:30 PM Title: Chapter 14
Hmm.... My head is spinning. Poor Ron. This is really putting him through the wringer. Harry shows a lot of character for having such a small part in this chapter. Nicely done.
Author's Response: And Harry will keep making appearances as the story continues 0:)
Date: 06/28/2010 07:59 PM Title: Chapter 13
Okay, before reading the newest chapter, I'm going through some old chapters to bring myself up to date. And, taking your advice, I concentrated hard on Chapter 11, The Truth in Forgiveness. May I just say, this is getting to be like homework! laughing I've been googling and reading and googling and reading and taking notes and refreshing my memory on things I haven't needed specifics on in years! It's been great!
You drop so many clues and my brain begins to go in circles, wondering which bits are clues, which are just bits of a story and I think I may lose my mind before we get to the end of this tale! I'm loving every minute of it.
Author's Response: I'm glad you are still enjoying it though it's feeling like homework. Many of the clues are subtle but some are fairly obvious (Avalon - *cough, cough*).
Date: 05/13/2010 03:10 PM Title: Chapter 14
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! are you going to post soon? I hope so I love where this is going.
Author's Response: The next chapter is in the betas hand; so hopefully the next chapter will go up by next week sometime 0:) I'm so glad you are enjoying my little epic 0:)
Date: 05/10/2010 10:44 PM Title: Chapter 1
I could be wrong, but I think Lizzie is still misjudging Ron. I have this feeling that hes not angry for the reason she thinks he is. It's only a matter of time before he works out who else is in the circle...When he does, look out, not because of what may happen to him, but because of what they have done to her.
Author's Response: And I think your hammer is very close to the nail 0:) The next chapter is already in my beta's hands so hopefully we will get it up late next week.
Date: 05/10/2010 04:28 PM Title: Chapter 14
Ohhhh my. I've completely gone to jelly with the epicness of that chapter. So many questions have finally been answered, and they've exceeded my expectations. I think I might be onto who she actually is, and if I'm right then this story is truly epic (there I go saying epic again, but I think it's appropriate). I just need one final question answered and then I can piece it all together. Until then, as usual fantastic story and I CANNOT wait for the next few chapters. Five stars.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! It made my day. What would you do if I told you there is even more buried in this story? The next chapter is already in my lovely beta's hands so hopefully it will be up next week. 0:)
Date: 04/24/2010 09:38 AM Title: Chapter 13
Well, that was more than just a bit exciting, wasn't it? I cannot wait until the time we get more of an understanding about what's going on. I get that Pansy is a Princess, and that the term hasn't simply been used as a term of affection. But, there's more than that going on. Is she some sort of goddess, is she a reincarnation of some sort? My head just spins with all the possibilities! (And I'm enjoying every moment of it!)
You are going to get a few key answers in the next chapter. You are on the right path of Pansy and a Princess...look back at a preceding chapter (maybe 'Truth In Forgiveness') and you will have a key part to your puzzle.
I'm hoping to get the next chapter to my beta this week 0:)
Date: 04/24/2010 07:07 AM Title: Chapter 13
damn it man....what the nut-nut.....please post soon..i have been keeping up with this and I just love it....cant wait :)
Author's Response: I'm hoping to get the next chapter to my beta this week so you will have several answers soon 0:)