Reviewer: 108 Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/21/2007 10:53 PM Title: Part IV

I really, really liked this story. It rings true. I love how slowly they come together, how each tiny touch is a world unto itself. You are a very good writer. Please keep writing.

I love your use of ". . . What?" - the ellipses before a word. It gives the perfect pause before something is said. I believe I'll incorporate that little technique in my own writing. :)

The only thing I would say is to watch your grammar a bit. Sounds rediculous, no? But you're such a good writer that when the grammar is off (like a plural subject and singular verb), it really jolts. Also, make sure all the right words are in a sentence in the right order (for the same reason). Such strange things to mention, I'm sure, but really, when I'm reading something this good, I hate stopping and trying to figure out a sentence that doesn't work.

And you can tell me I can't spell, and you would be completely, totally right. :) :) I'm always getting those squiggly red lines.

 

Reviewer: unomesowell Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 02/09/2007 03:30 PM Title: Part IV

I just loved this story!  Your characterization shed a whole new light on characters I had only half developed in my head.  It was funny how somethimes Lilly seemed a bit like Hermione or Sirius would remind me a bit of a more confident Ron but then he would earn something totally Draco (good Draco not evil Draco) like “You probably need someone around to give you attention.”  And I loved how James wanted so badly to be mature but he really was just the child he wanted to be . . .it was just lovely!