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Reviewer: risiepookie Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/27/2007 01:17 AM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

OMG, Yay, new chapter! 

This line slayed me with laughter, right from the beginning:  Ron stared at her, wide-eyed. “Hermione, hearing you talk all clinical like that would be a complete mood-killer if it weren't so fucking sexy!”  AWESOME!!!

I can't tell you how pleased I am that you included these lines right here, particularly Sirius' line: 

“You can't put that on yourself, mate,” said Ron, bringing his wand closer to the pulse-point under Sirius' ear. “This'll sting, I think,” he told Sirius, and turned back to Harry. “You're not responsible for what those nutters do!”

Sirius cracked an eye to look at Ron. “Three men died so those nutters could try to get to Harry. He wouldn't be human if he didn't feel some guilt about it.”

I think therein lies part of the problem.  Yes, Harry has a Hero Complex.  Yes, he feels like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and he needs to be a martyr.  But, when it comes down to it, isn't that true?  He feels like people are dying because they are protecting him and he feels guilty about it.  Sure, it's not his fault, but people still die.  He doesn't have to feel guilty, but it actually is so understandable that he does. 

“Harry is not a weapon!” cried his mother. “He's just a boy!”

“No, Mum. He's a man. He's my husband, just like Hermione is my wife."

::meep::  That was beautiful.  Ron standing up for their relationship.  Lovely! 

The entire section with the Vulcan-like mind-meld between Sirius and Ron was fantastic.  I loved seeing Sirius' reaction to Ron's clearly strong emotions and his love for his spouses.  I love how deeply he can see, how he sees Harry and Hermione through Ron's eyes, but also sees Ron.  How he sees how capable and worthy and loving he is.  Really, a beautiful scene.

Loved the scene with Mrs. Longbottom approving on Neville's friends and joining in the fight.  Thought that Ron taking charge and barking orders was rather sexy, as well as a good use of his natural strategizing! 

The scene with putting out the fires, and getting into the church was very intense.  I thought it was clever to have Ron's patronus grab the kid and drag him out the door.  I had to take a deep breath when the trio fell!

Having already heard the gist of the scene in the flying carriage straight from the horses mouth (I love it when you do that with me!), this certainly didn't disappoint at all.  As when I first heard it, I thought this was so incredibly clever of Ron to use the UB to connect them through a single hair and saw through the lock hinge.  Brilliant.  Really.  However, I do worry about poor Hermione's head.  That can't have been comfortable.  She better get a good head massage and lots of kisses to make it better from her boys. 

Also within that section, thought the mid-air acrobatics were great!  I do wonder how Hermione was reacting internally, but I think that's because I've always seen her as having a fear of heights.  Still, I thought the choreography of the movements was very clear and it was really easy for me to imagine the scene in my head. 

So glad that they escaped and are on their way home!

Another wonderful chapter, my dear one.  Can't wait to see what's coming up next...  :o)



Author's Response: Yay for another Risie-Review! Two in one day! An embarrassment of Riches!

I'm beginning to feel guilty for Ron. There he is in my head, just rolling along, saying what he thinks. I hardly feel like I have anything to do with anything that comes out of his mouth. I just take dictation... And the credit!

I really felt as though the Trio started coming into their own as adults -- albeit reluctunt, before-their-time adults -- in this chapter. Harry isn't at fault, but he does have responsibilities, and here, as always, he steps up to them.And Ron sees that the time has come to take simple, adult responsibility, and he does it. Hermione's more diffident, because she's had a lot invested in obeying adult authority, and doing as she was told, be even she sees that it's time, again, to stand up.

I had originally intended to do more with the Mentis Unum bit, but it was sacrificed to the need to recover the Trio's wands. I totally enjoyed Sirius' reactions to seeingthe Trio through Ron's heart.

However, I do worry about poor Hermione's head. That can't have been comfortable. She better get a good head massage and lots of kisses to make it better from her boys.

Read on, my love!

Thanks so much for reading! I can't tell you how much I treasure your reviews!

Reviewer: risiepookie Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/26/2007 01:28 PM Title: Chapter Eighteen: "So Corrosive a Secret"

Alrighty, I'm back on it!  ::is trying to be a better friend and UB!wifey::  As promised...

Liked the opening segment with Dumbledore and Snape.  We've talked about this, but I'm so glad that Snape, in the end, was still an evil git.  He just had a weak spot. It would have gone against everything I thought about him if he turned out to be good in the end.  I think you're skirting that balance really well here:

“What risk, Headmaster?” Snape's voice was still coldly angry. “What possible hazard could be posed by Potter's ignorance? Who could it have harmed?”

The eyes Albus Dumbledore turned on his old friend were bleak, and very old. “I do not know, Severus.”

“Then how could you–”

“How could I have known that Harry's ignorance of the prophecy, of my fears about Voldemort's connection with him, would cost Sirius Black his life?”

Snape sat back away from the man who had shown him so much trust. “And yet, Black lives.” 

However, it's this soft "Professor Black" that brings me right back to Dumbledore and the hidden depths. 

More of the fabulous new!Trio!!!  “There are all sorts of possibilities,” said Sirius, sitting back on his couch. Remus was at the far end, and Tonks was stretched out between them, her head in Lupin's lap, her feet on Black's." 

Indeed, there are all sort of possibilities, both with the defensive/offensive strategies, as well as with the relationship for the new trio.  I can't wait until you start to work on those outtakes.  ::wink::  I loved the entire section with the six of them- the easy comfort apparent in both trios, the clear affection between all friends, etc.  The openness is wonderful.  I love how Hermione directly asks about their relationship and Tonks' reply is beautiful. 

You know I could let this go by without commenting on it:  

"Sirius lifted a brow, opened his mouth, and Hermione pointed sternly at him from her seat on one of the comfortable armchairs, Harry and Ron sitting cross-legged on the floor at her feet. “I'm warning you!”

“All right, all right!” surrendered Sirius, grinning widely at her. “I know better than to tempt terrible fate!”

Again, the Hermione/Sirius friendship is fantastic.  I don't know what it is about their dynamic, but I just get it and I feel it.  I've said before it's Sirius' adult humour, his ability to be both serious and silly, his somewhat-older-brother coolness, his snarkyness, his affectionate but sarcastic nature.  I've also said it's a bit of Hermione's prissiness, her ability to pull off a dirty joke with a straight face, her ability to give as good as she gets, her openness to learning new things from Sirius.  I'm not sure it it's any of that, but I know that I love the little nuggets you give us.

"Hermione's eyes widened. “Cloacina?” Her face snapped around as she looked into nowhere. “Cloacina... The cleanser... Surname of Venus...” She spun again to face Tonks. “You mean there's a spell? A spell just for vaginal cleanliness?”

Harry and Ron exchanged a wide-eyed glance, their mouths clamped desperately shut. Better to throw fruit at Death Eaters than laugh at this!"

This was so unbelievably in-character for Hermione!  I can completely see her freaking out and obsessing about what else she might have missed, but was unaware of.  And onto the bestt part of the chapter!  My favourite lines:

“So I'm dropping my knickers and charming my cunt in front of two randy teenaged boys? Shall I give 'em knob-jobs while I'm at it?”

Ron battled the temptation to cry out an enthusiastic Oh, yes, please! 'cause he knew Tonks would get a chuckle, but Harry's desperate eyes sided with his common sense, so he held it in." 

**OMG, I nearly died of laughter at this!

Expressions played across Tonks' face, and Ron thought it was time. “Oh, Godric's balls, Tonks! Not that! If it waits till we're back, it'll be Grubbly-Plank again! Don't make us watch Grubbly-Plank drop her knickers! Hasn't Harry suffered enough?”

Tonks smirked.

“We won't look,” said Harry, his voice soft and reassuring.

“Bugger that!” cried Ron. “I wanna see what colour she has it! I'm betting plaid!” 

***some more huge snorts of laughter for that one.  I can just imagine Ron about to burst if he doesn't say something and then he pops out with this!  :o)

“See how that works?” asked Tonks' voice, casually.

“Yes...” Hermione's voice was very quiet. “Yes, I see that. Uh... Yes.”

Harry was sweating. Ron bit his lip. There was a rustle of fabric, Tonks muttering a sticking charm, then her voice, cheerful, but, with an odd note to it: “All right boys.”

***And so begins the part that had me fanning myself profusely and my face getting hot.  ::is still blushing:: 

Hermione was silent a long time. “No,” she finally said. “It was her, too. That was so... It was really intimate, Ron.” Another silence. “She's... She's really very sexy.”

“She really is, isn't she,” said Harry"

**I'm totally with you here.  I think Tonks has to be one of the sexiest characters in the books.  She's got so much potential.  So much spunk.  she could fulfill any fantasy you could ever have, as far as being with different people.  She's adventurous.  Okay, gonna stop now. 

"But, you know, don't you, love?”

“Know what?” Hermione breathed.

Ron leaned back again. “That we'd run across Tonks to get to you.” And Harry whispered harshly in her ear, “Fuck, yes!”

**That is some of the absolute sweetest sentiments in this entire chapter.  It's the epitome of this trio.  Hermione may not be perfect.  She may not be the most fantastic lover or have amazing skills to change into a living fantasy, but it doesn't matter.  They want her.  Her.  She doesn't need to be those things, because she's more than good enough to them.  OMG, teh sex!  It's so hot.  I'm seriously dying over here!!!  I think we're getting closer and closer to another big step for the trio.  I can't wait to see when we progress in that direction, but this scene was fantastic.  So incredibly sexy and moving and genuine and real and wonderful.  The moment after with Tonk was sweet, just that little thank you and the rubbing of her knuckles.  ::meep::  I'm very much looking forward to seeing how the "Obliviate" plays into the storyline.  I believe you mentioned something to me, so I'm waiting to see how that pans out.  Okies, now that my review is a couple pages long, I'll stop.  But, I'll get to the next couple chapters ASAP.  ::smooch::  Thanks, as always, for sharing with us!  :o)

Author's Response: Yay! Doctor Pookie returns to reviewing me!

Thank you so much for the kind words on Dumbledore and Snape! I really liked that scene. I felt so bad for Albus, having to keep things that are so crucial from Severus.

I really liked this scene of the two trios just hanging out, enjoying one another. I liked the comparison of Lily to Hermione, and all of the back-and-forth about relationships. I'm glad you enjoyed that, too.

It's funny that the bit with Hermione and the cleaning spell came about through a series of accidents. I wanted Ron to give Hermione that kiss in the bathroom scene in chapter Sixteen, so I added the wet-wipe to avoid readers saying "Eeeew!" Then they said "Eeeew" to the wipe, so I had to make a point of getting rid of them! Has there ever been a male ficcer who paid this much attention to vaginal heigene?

I like Ron quashing his humour in the scene with Tonks, and also using it for a purpose, to steady nerves and get rid of tension.

So, so glad you found the love scene that followed hot! I must confess, so did I as I wrote it, and you're right: that milestone is approaching.

The coda with the older trio meant a lot to me, especially the connection there between Hermione and Tonks, making everything all right.

Thanks for coming back to review!

Reviewer: jhp Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 09/23/2007 12:45 PM Title: Chapter Twenty: "The Breathing Rose"

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

Author's Response: I'm so very glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

Reviewer: fallingndflying Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/29/2007 03:59 PM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

more please!!!!!!!

Author's Response: I'm working on Chapter Twenty now. Two scenes in, but I'm still not all that clear on my direction.

Reviewer: cayenne Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/28/2007 06:04 PM Title: Prologue: A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In China

This story is just amazing. I have read way too many HP fan fictions and this one is the best. It's hilarious and incredibly hot and all-around wonderful. I have read it probably 3 times and absolutely enjoy it. The characterizations are so thoughtful and the development of the lesser-used characters in the books is great, like Sirius and Mr. and Mrs. Granger. Sirius's patronus especially was a stroke of genius. Thanks so much for writing it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for an overwhelmingly kind review. It means so much to me to so please and entertain my readers. Thank you.

Reviewer: jhp Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/12/2007 11:12 PM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

Good story so far!  Thanks for sharing it with us.

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for the review.  I really do appreciate it.

Reviewer: JohnGalt Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/05/2007 04:14 PM Title: Chapter Two: Mrs. Weasley Goes Spare; Miss Granger Comes Clean

This has got to be one of the best stories I've read in my entire life. It should be published. Well done, and please keep writing.

Author's Response: Thanks so very much! I promise, I'm not planning to stop yet!

Reviewer: Wench Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/01/2007 09:37 PM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

Brilliant story! Love it!

Author's Response: THanks so very much for the kind words.

Reviewer: siriusnez Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/01/2007 07:16 PM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

loved it!!  you are absolutely brilliant.  i was so happy to see that the next chapter was up.  can't wait for more. 

Author's Response: Thanks so much! So glad you enjoyed it!

Reviewer: rina_riku Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/01/2007 01:36 PM Title: Chapter Nineteen: "The Burning Cathedral"

Brilliant!

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: Corriebird Signed starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 07/28/2007 12:23 PM Title: Chapter Three: A Very Long and Entirely Embarrassing Talk

are we in the deep south here? what's with "reckon" and "oh hell," and "daddy?" do british people talk like that? I think YOU talk like that, maybe if you're from texas or arkansas, but the rest of the world does not.

 it helps to insert british slang all over the place, helps your mind use the accent by itself, and then you'll write the rest of the words too with a natural inclination for the accent. I'm not saying YOU use british slang, write with it for this peice.

 

or go back and get rid of the "reckons".



Author's Response: In fact, I do not talk like that, being from Massacusetts, but British people do.

If you dislike Ron and Harry using "Reckon" you'll need to take that up with J. K. Rowling, who has them using it liberally.

Reviewer: Corabell Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/18/2007 05:16 PM Title: Chapter Two: Mrs. Weasley Goes Spare; Miss Granger Comes Clean

"...we managed never to stick any of them in you, didn't we?'"

 

That is the funniest thing I have ever read.  I am hooked!!



Author's Response: Thanks so much! I hope I can keep you interst as teh story moves along.

Reviewer: themorrigan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/13/2007 07:11 PM Title: Prologue: A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In China

Sooo...is it rude to ask when we should expect more of HP and the UB? If not, then, ahem, when? And if it is, errr--- never mind.

Thanks!!!

 



Author's Response: It's not rude at all, but I don't have an answer for you. I honestly don't know when I'll have another chapter for you. Could be this weekend. Could be months.

Reviewer: fallingndflying Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 06/30/2007 10:37 PM Title: Chapter Eighteen: "So Corrosive a Secret"

Hey, my name is Stephanie. I'm pretty new to this site, and I just left two comments, although I'm not sure the last one went through. I really enjoyed reading your stories (unfortunatly, my computer is broken, so I'm using my little sister's laptop. She came home while I was in the middle of reading one of your stories here and grabbed the computer, and said "WTF??? You're reading Harry Potter smut!?!? You are a 20 year old woman, don't you have better things to do with your Saturday night?" to which I replied "Nope...")

I was wondering if you've ever read anything by Laurell K Hamilton. She writes the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novels and I really really love them. While I was reading your work, it made me wich you would write some Anita Blake fanfic, too! If you haven't read anything by her, you should check it out. Vampires, guns, lycanthropy, necromansers, detectives, and a vampire hunter who becomes bound as the human servant the Head-Vamp of St. Louis, I think? Anyway, great great series. Check it out if you get a chance. Also I saw in one of your comments that you have a livejournal, but I clicked out of the page by accident. My LJ name is fallingndflying, so friend me!

Sorry for the long and rambeling comment/sort of review. I love love loved this story!


Author's Response: It's so nice to have you coming back to say more!

Ouch on getting caught by your sister-- But good answer!

And you've been friended on LJ.

Reviewer: fallingndflying Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 06/30/2007 10:24 PM Title: Prologue: A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In China

Oh, I'm not sure If you've ever read Laurell K Hamilton, but her writing is amazing, and I'd be interested to see you do a take on her Anita Blake series.

Author's Response: I haven't read any Laurell K.Hamilton, although I've seen her books on the stands.

I guess I'll pick one up!

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