Date: 05/23/2006 06:54 AM Title: One shot
I just wanted to bring your attention to one thing that I noticed.
The paragraph that starts with: She moaned at his words, loving... <There is one part> but something in his voice told me that she was about to see another side of Ron. <It sounds like you were there and if you were, I am definitley jealous. But I didn't know if you meant to do this or not. If you didn't maybe you could change it to (told her). That would make it sound better. Sorry, I'm an english major and grammer and wording and spelling is the first thing I see in a story.> However, it was a wonderful story, I love how they were so in love that they just had to do it there. They couldn't wait. The passion was perfect and the description was brilliant. Keep up the good work.